Ok so this is long overdue. I have been lazy but I’m sure by now we are used to this, so no use crying over spilt milk etc etc, let us begin. It is time for me once again to cast my metaphoric fishing rod into the stream that happens to contain metaphorical fish shaped memories. In the words of ADTR - LET’S GO!
This blog entry is dedicated to Reading festival and what a beautiful festival it is. The place is alive with the stench of youthful exuberance, cider and burning chairs, what a great combination! The build-up to this years festival was long and my excitement was truly brimming when the day finally came. It was a stormy night in Gotham city....I mean Harlow... when I was picked up by Andy in his absolute beast of a jeep; this beaut was a pleasure to ride in - so much room for activities! The convoy from H-Town to Reading was rather impressive although in the monsoon one of our noble steeds (cars) was lost but all was fine in the end. Upon arriving in Reading there was true magic in the air, the kind of magic Harry Potters wand spewed after he has beer bonged a few too many strongbows!
After the strenuous waiting about and slogging across a site similar to the Somme, we finally set up our beautiful little camp. Situated close to the beautiful hedge in Orange campsite, this place was to be our home for the next few days. This stretch of mud saw atrocities reminiscent of a Japanese POW camp and party’s reminiscent of an all girl’s catholic boarding school after they managed to sneak in boys and vodka. I had so much fun over these days and the memories I have will hold a dear place in my mind for the remaining years of which I can actually remember stuff. How about I take a few moments to document some of these moments of tomfoolery and charming youthful fun, yes I shall. I met a good few new people on this trip and as ever meeting new people is one of my favourite tipples, they were all ever so cool and contributed to the overall experience. And of course all of the pals I went with you guys made it too, you are all crazy yet beautiful human beings who I am proud to call my friends - we did well guys. Ok enough sentiment, time to mention the SCUTTLERS. Wow what a beautiful activity scuttling is, for those of you who do not know it basically involves choosing a target, then encircling said target while chanting 'Scuttle,scuttle, scuttle scuttle scuttle'. A new breed of scuttler was developed at Reading, our numbers grew and the scuttling was top notch, well done everyone! My personal favourite scuttle was the girl who got the Fosters crate over her head... BAM she couldn't see a thing! Our lovely campfire that consisted of stolen chairs is also worth a mention, the mountain of charred tent poles was a sight to behold, shame the dweeby security/ghostbuster had to come and put it out with his water pistol! The crazy drug/alcohol induced acts that went on in camp were numerous and if I were to write about them all I think I may be here until next year’s festival so I think I shall move on....to the music!
I almost forgot Reading was a music festival while writing about the camp antics....but I assure you it is! This year I watched some great performances and musically it was one of the best festivals I’ve been too. The Libertines reunion was always going to be either a huge success or a heroin tainted (baby)shambles, (notice what I did there?). I was ever so glad though to bear witness to an amazing set, Barat/Doherty/Hassall and Powell gripped me by the testicles that evening and dragged me on a sweaty/boozy journey back to the early days of the libertines and I bore witness to the last true English rock legends doing their thing. These guys blew me away and I take my imaginary hat off to them, they are all great at what they do and regardless of what anyone says Doherty is a genius! Weezer were another great performance and one of my favourite of the weekend. These guys bring a whole new dimension to the stage and I found myself in a happy little Weezer inspired bubble while watching them, Rivers Cuomo is a man after my own heart, he is a genius just like myself and is unlike any front man I have ever borne witness too, quite simply he's the man! Musically these guys are brilliant and I found myself dragged into skit around the streets of Beverley Hills - courtesy of Rivers and co! A memorable performance was that of Guns and Roses, but not for the right reasons. Axel Rose is quite possibly the biggest moron on the face of the Earth, and after turning up an hour late (potential because his oversized ego got stuck in a doorway?), he and his cronies put on a lacklustre performance that was cut short due to licensing laws. We attempted to rush the stage but we were tackled down by the hired goons. Fuck you Axel! Other bands worth mentioning in no particular order are: A Day To Remember, this guys are awesome, they rocked hard and had an impressive array of hardcore boy band moves like the in sync head banging! Blink 182 were a pleasure to watch but they let me down slightly, I fear I was expecting too much maybe? Mumford and Sons were brilliant, the crowd around the NME tent was huge, like thousands of ants trying to converge around one lump of delicious Mumford and Son flavoured sugar. These guys are destined for big things I’m sure, me and Craig managed to sneak backstage and meet them, we even saw them warm up before they went on stage in a tiny backstage cabin, they were all singing and playing their instruments in harmony it was quite special to watch! A few other bands that were swell included The King Blues, Limp Bizkit, Biffy and Paramore to name but a few!
I fear this post has spiralled out of control, like a one man plane being flown by an alcoholic chimpanzee. Like all good things and all not so good things for that matter, Reading came to an end and so will this post. One thing I forgot to mention was I met Travis Barker, that guy is a dude, we are basically best friends now! Reading is an amazing festival, it's the playground of the young who with fire in their souls (not to mention cider and other narcotics) party with such a passion, a passion for life and not giving a fuck, sticking it to the man and burning stuff for the sake of making fire. The Reading riots can get out of hand but maybe it is due to the oppression the youth of today live under, Reading is an opportunity to vent our anger!....Ok I’m talking bollocks it's a bunch of pissed up kids being little hooligans but it is a hell of a lot of fun! If I ever have kids I’ll tell them of when their dad was a little shite just like themselves, scuttling innocent people and generally being a menace - oh how proud they'll be.
This has been quite a nice stroll down memory lane, although while walking down this lane I passed several dozen burnt tents and was scuttled by an angry group of teens! Until next time this is goodbye, and for my passing comment I will say this....life is good and I love you all (apart from the jerks), peace.
From the Brain and finger tips of Bobby Kalafi.
P.S - Back your hand up BOY!!! That was for Naya, hubba hubba ;)
x
