I don't think I could ever give Glastonbury festival the credit it deserves using my mere mortal pen (well keyboard), but I sure can give it a go! I am writing this very much for my own benefit, so in my pre-senile mid-life glory days, I can look back and think, wow man you used to be cool! People often describe Glastonbury as something special but until you actually arrive for the first time and take in this place you don't fully appreciate its scale, the very magic that blows through this farm, mingled with the stench of human excrement of course!
I'm sure some wise, yet undoubtedly nerd like being once said something along the lines of 'It's not the destination, but the journey bla de bla'. But the journey to Glasto was great times, my car consisted of Craig, Flemmo and the Scotsman, we had some great laughs and the excitement was brimming. The excitement flowing through my veins was like a kind of Somerset homemade heroin; I couldn't wait for the biggest hit of them all that would shoot through me as the festival site slowly crept into view over some humble Pilton tree line. 3 hours of banter, a well timed mooney and general debauchery later we reached our goal, pulling into the car park I kinda felt as if I was pulling into my second home, my second home that I shared with 175000 others, all part of the same family flowing with good Karma. We eventually set up our camp, this place was home for the next 6 days, it treated us well and we attempted to keep it clean, sadly this didn’t work but luckily we didn't get rats (potential jibe aimed at James there).
When walking around Glastonbury I truly feel as if I belong, and I think this is one of the greatest things about the festival. It’s almost like another world, there are no prejudices and it seems everyone is accepted, what a beautiful vibe indeed. Black,White,Green or Yellow nobody cares, in a good way of course. The vastness of the festival itself always astounds me, I believe we must have walked close to 100 miles all in all, maybe less but 100 is a nice round number. We walked around so much but still saw less than half of it I’m sure. I read that the festival becomes the third largest city in Somerset or something which I thought was kinda cool, maybe you agree, maybe you don’t? I feel that the guys I went with helped make the festival what it was, heck I’m sure of it. Jumbo,Ryan,Ross,Craig,Jamie,Matt and Calum, you guys made this shit what it was, some of the best days of my life, thank you.
Ok enough of this emotional man love, maybe a mini review of the music as I guess it is a huge part of the festival. Although there were some great acts, this year in particular I took a different outlook. I wasn't overly fussed about seeing bands and didn't let it turn me into a maniac running from stage to stage, I took it easy and in true Glasto style took each day as it came, what a great way to live! Regardless of that heartfelt speech I did see quite a few bands anyway! I will try to rattle off a few of the more memorable ones. 'There's only one Rolfy Haaris, one Rolfy Haaris!' - Rolf opening the festival was perfect, dancing around as this Australian wizard sang all his greats made me so happy, as perfect a moment as I can recall in my so far beautifully lived life! Vampire weekend were well up there for me, this band truly are one of my favourites, and admittedly I once frowned upon them boy have I been converted to the church of vamp. I love their music, it takes me to a place I want to be, puts me into the frame of mind I want to be in, and most importantly it makes me happy. I think these guys are genius, particularly the front man Ezra, whom after meeting him at Reading and him allowing me and Craig to watch the band from the side of the stage, will always go down in my books as a true legend. The Courteeners will always stay in my memory for not particularly music reasons. I like a few of their songs but as middle of the road indie goes I’m not so won over, but in fairness these guys put on a great show. The true magic of their performance was created by us. Me and Craig managed to sweet talk, duck and dive our way onto the actual stage while they were playing, a great talent we seem to possess. Upon looking at the crowd and beside being blown away, we noticed Jumbo, Ross and Jamie waving up at us, then we spotted Matt and Ryan who were also shouting up at us, what a surreal moment that will surely stay with me. I'M TALKING BACKSTAGE! (had to be there moment!). After me and Craig got kicked out by security we managed to wade our way to the front of the crowd where we were all united, what a beautiful moment, for this I guess I must thank the Courteeners, however vain their front man is (Bell end). Biffy Clyros secret set was a beautiful super Scottish explosion of raw rocking energy, all fit into moderately tight orange jeans. This set was filled with such passion and raw brute irn-bru fuelled aggression it was a pleasure to behold, the huge crowds situated on the surrounding hills was equally impressive. The random gipsy like band we saw on the shoddy little bandstand stood out for sheer fun, there’s something about a band making you lay on your back and pretend to ride a bicycle that makes them somewhat memorable. Gorrilaz were special, in a good or bad way I still cannot decide. The passion shown by Damon Albarn was humbling but also kind of sad, as admittedly the crowd were not showing the appreciation he so desired. Maybe this performance will not go down in his mind as one of this best, but more like a blur of something that might have been. Wow I’m good. Oh that reminds me for some strange reason that Scissor sisters and their super campness-fuelled endless energy was insane, what a great act! Along with the cheeky Kylie appearance, maybe a warm up for her headline performance next year, I’m sure it’s on the cards, just whether or not Eavis chooses to deal it I guess! Muse were good, but as you can by my use of the extremely boring adjective 'good' they will not go down in my own personal history books as one of the greats. Oh yes and if anybody has a spare needle please lend it to Matt Bellamy to deflate his head, maybe him and the guy from Courteeners should consider a side project? Now onto the gem in Glastonbury’s musical crown, Stevie Wonder! Wow this performance was amazing, it was the perfect end to my festival, as me and some of the guys chilled from afar in our devilishly comfortable camping chairs, watching this God of Motown do his thing, and does anybody do this 'thing better', I greatly doubt this. As he paid tribute to Michael Jackson, playing 'Human Nature' on his harmonica, I knew I was witnessing musical legend in the flesh, a real 'Glastonbury moment' that will stay with me until my dying days!
I feel this entry has turned more into a short story, but hey it feels right, it just feels right, it feels the complete opposite to left, which is right. Maybe time for a few random yet amazing memories/stories/sayings that made this trip so great. To be honest I don’t fancy writing these fully so maybe a mish-mash list. Sounds good to me. The saying 'I'm Talking downtown' that evolved into a saying for all occasions e.g. I can’t wait to eat, I'm talking noodles!' - you get the picture. The general nicknames that developed, particularly 'King Boob', which was given to Jamie after his boob like actions, mainly for losing his ticket and being denied re-entry to the festival for about an hour - you're always getting left behind, I’m talking King Boob!'. My Chewbacca mask that I once put on in the morning wearing nothing put some skimpy pants and generally dancing around, sometimes with a spot of morning glory, how charming! Ryan being King Nap and overly sleeping along with James being a general drunken mess meeting random gay friends. Ross being a general comical genius introducing me to to phrases such as 'Gooons' and 'HEY BABEEEEY', pure magic. Mocking Cockburns general Scottishness and Flemmos tendency to fall in love. Craig just being himself, probably the funniest person i know and constantly having me in stitches, ' You may wanna cover me in butter, cos I’m one baked potato!'. Stealing some poor souls wheelbarrow and wheeling Craig proudly along in it. Our general sneaking backstage tricking the cavemen like security and meeting Alex Turner,Florence,Zane Lowe and fair few other cool individuals. Our epic journey home that could have been so depressing but which actually lead to so many laughs in our game of 'oneupmanship overtaking'- amazing game.
Like all good things, this post should really come to an end. Glastonbury really is something I feel everyone should experience, maybe it's not your cup of tea? But if it is, I guarantee you that will be the sweetest tea you ever drink. I have my amazing memories, the pictures and the slight tan. Thank you Glastonbury.
From my brain to yours with much sincerity,
Bob.
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