The calm before the American storm

So here I am. Sitting about. Restless. Tomorrow morning I will be embarking on a trip that I've been planning for a long time. Three months in America with 3 of my best pals, oh boy oh boy. I don't think it has sunk in that i'm leaving tomorrow but hey, it had better start sinking soon as the clock is ticking! In all honesty I feel a little nervous right now, people say that three months isn't long but I feel it is. It will be the longest i've ever left home, my family, my home town, my dog, everything! But I feel this will be a real life experience and something that will be good for me. I will miss my family dearly but hey, there's a big wide World out there and I think it's time I saw a little of it!

So the trip itself. Three months of road tripping, coach travelling, bike riding, rum drinking, skin burning, vomit inducing, site seeing, Americana madness. I'm sure it will have it's mighty ups and equally mighty downs, but i'm going to make the most of it and try my hardest to live the dream etc etc! I will try to keep this updated as much as can and will hopefully be writting stuff down as I go. I don't feel there is much more I can write at this moment in time, take care one and all, i'll see you on the other side.

God bless America (and England!)

Bobby K.

Across the finish line

Hello there dear readers, readers of whom I fear are nonexistent, here I am talking to myself as usual, but then again i guess that's what writing and reading is. Talking to yourself. A little voice inside your head, repeating back the words you are seeing in that little voice, my own voice really, or is it? It's a voice that nobody will ever hear which is pretty odd. When you think does that little voice talk you through what is happening in front of you, I don't think it does but I can't be sure. What about deaf people, people who have never heard, do they still get a little voice inside their head? Does anyone get this voice? Am I hearing voices? I don't think so, but hey, this has got weird so I’m going to start again and pretend this never happened...

... Hey everyone! So yeah, what with this being the first paragraph in this blog entry and with no other weird paragraphs coming before it, I guess I better explain as to why once again my absence from this page has been so long, so taunt, so very bitter in the tear stained eyes of this blog. If I had to liken this blog to an animal, I would liken it to a kitten, a little kitten left alone without any milk for far too long. But daddies home blog, and I’ve got all the milk your little bloggy tongue can handle. So dear humans,blogs and kittens, open up your mouths and I’ll pour some satisfyingly milky memories your way.

Today was the day I ended my educational university life. I didn't end it peacefully either, I sat a devilishly difficult exam on 'Stalin to Putin' - oh boy oh boy. Instead of taking voluntary university euthanasia, I decided to climb to the highest point of the highest tower, urinate on a Soviet Flag, clutch a picture of Stalin and throw myself off while singing the Soviet national anthem. The exam went badly, I attempted to revise but my heart wasn't in it. If I fail it's my fault, i accept that, blah blah blaaaaaaaah. After the exam we had a little Russian history student meet up/farewell with our teacher in the common room, she is a lovely/crazy Russian woman and she cooked us some Soviet specialities. Pretty tasty, fair play to her. Although I have been a bit lacklustre with my university attendance, it was still pretty sad to think this was the last time I had to be in uni, around fellow students, something I find it hard to get my head around. The people in my classes really are fantastic people, interesting, crazy people, I feel disappointed I haven't made more effort getting to know these people when I had the chance, I wish them all the luck i can possibly give them in the future - good Karma to you all.

So where do I go from here. Is it time to grow up? I don't want to, I really don't, but I guess that's the way it's going. All my friends are growing up, entering the 'real World' - taking their place in the rat race. I don't particularly like this real World to be honest - it sounds like a place void of fun, where dreams turn into stark realities, where the sparkle in a youthful eye gets lost in the glare of monotony. I have a lot of respect and admiration for adults who keep in touch with their youthful side, you can tell who they are, they are the ones who are loving life, not just living it. I want to love life; I do love life really all things considered. I guess I’ll migrate planets sooner or later into this bleak 'Real World' - but I have no doubt at every occasion I’ll hitch a ride and zoom back to the World i know and love. How beautiful.

Although i do love life, and appreciate every day - I still can't help but hate, not individuals but situations and feelings. Feelings are the bane of my life, if the bane of my life had a bane of its own baney life, it would be feelings. Thing is with feelings is they can be amazing, they can take you to such happy extremities, but sadly this never lasts I have come to learn. I fear I have been turned into a cynic - the human race is something I’m not sure about. I sometimes feel that I think differently to anyone else, and that there is something that I’m missing. How can people be horrible to others, how could you want to hurt someone’s feelings, how could you ever feel it's ok to make someone feel so bad in themselves. It's beyond me. If anyone does happen upon the answer please send it to me, I'm available for contact via mobile phone, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Email, postal service, carrier pigeon or by face to face human contact. Some people are selfish, that's it. I myself am selfish to be honest. But I sometimes think of others, no actually scrap that I always think of others, although I’m no Saint and neither are you.

That last paragraph was a bit deep, so for the next 30 seconds I suggest everyone thinks of a puppy chasing its own tail.....

....ok done. I love it when my dog chases his tail, I watch him for ages, little scamp!

I feel that now, that this little blog session may have reached its pinnacle. Like a Sherpa who has reached the top of Mt. Everest, or a dung beetle that has pushed its massive pile of shit to erm.....where ever they push it too. I'm feeling in a bit of a crazy mood, so I think I will end this with a little poem i wrote. It's a bit depressing but hey, I enjoy it.

So long. Farewell. And take this poem as a gift:

Happiness comes and goes,
it's a most peculiar thing.
It'll make you shine and be admired,
like a juicy diamond ring.

But then when it decides to leave,
it walks right out the door.
Your admiration falls apart,
and the juicy ring,
will shine,
no more.

As was to be expected, this poor little blog has been left, neglected, cold and alone for months on end, but finally the moment has come for me to re-kindle the old flame. Actually I’m not only going to re-kindle the old flame, I’m going to cover this blog in petrol, strike a match, throw it in slow motion and fire this baby up on a whole new level. Ok in fairness I’m just going to write a blog post, but that previous passage made it seem so much more exciting. I will now dip my metaphorical quill in the pot of metaphorical memory flavoured ink and etch something beautiful into the metaphorical canvas located behind your eyeballs.

So where did I leave off. I believe I was discussing my birthday and all the joys that were to come with it that feeling of being King for a day, people giving me gifts like I was some sort of hero. It was nice. And in fairness it was amazing, my wonderful family and friends organised a surprise trip to Prague, which was amazing. A bunch of my favourite people in a badass, if not run down and seedy, city, and boy did we have a good time. We partied in some dirty Czech drink houses, trekked around the city and viewed some mind boggling architecture which I loved so very much. This trip will always be one of my fondest recollections, being there with my family and friends was so lovely, we had no cares just good times. That's what it's all about right. Getting offered midgets in suitcases, running away from fake undercover cops, just experiencing this Eastern European hotbed of culture, vice, seedy activities and resounding Soviet influence was special on many levels. The best thing was being there with all of the people closest to me. I enjoy the little things in life.

I really do enjoy the little things in life and I feel this deserves its on micro-paragraph. Regardless of anything, some of the smallest things in life (insert penis joke) can bring the most happiness in my opinion. Spending time with friends and family. Having a well deserved nap. Making someone smile. Getting a text that brightens your day. Beautiful. (End of micro-paragraph)

So let me take a little walk down memory lane and think what has happened in the last couple of months, I like memory lane, although every time I go there I get the craziest feeling of Déjà Vu, as if I’ve been there before. Oh and the parking is terrible. So let me see, I feel that my dissertation is worth a mention, the soul destroying project that stole hours of my time and Ten Thousand words I will never get back. Although I left it late I was rather proud of my effort, it's probably terrible but I enjoyed it! If anybody would like a copy don't hesitate to ask. The thing is i know for a fact nobody will ask for a copy, but if anyone has ever sat there and wondered how the perception of the Soviet Union changed in Britain from 1945-1950 (with direct reference to The Times Newspaper), then this is your lucky day. Now I kid myself that people actually read this, in reality these words will never reach anyone’s optical receptors (made that term up) so therefore in theory nothing really matters, I may asdwell staryt speling stuff wronhg, who cares, nobody readhs this! Now I’m subconsciously talking to myself, like some kind of weird schizophrenia with this blog as the middle man, better stop encase I get incarcerated....again. (joke). So yes, Dissertation polished off, uni is going as well as possible although my attendance is maybe nothing to celebrate. Work at cinehell is as monotonous as ever, although I could be worse off. This paragraph is boring me now, I want to delete it but I feel bad, poor words never done any harm to anyone. Boring.

Although this has probably been a rather boring blog session, it still feels nice to get pen to paper, well finger to keyboard. In my last post I talked about some stuff that was going well and how time, that crafty devil, would tell as he is prone to do. Well time did tell and if there is one thing that time told me it's this: You're an idiot. He looked me in the eyes and said 'Bobby, you're an idiot'. Fuck you time. Fuck you. I don't like to swear all that often but some people really rattle my cage, particularly time. I think Time would be an amazing fictional character to write about, Time is the only thing there has always been and always will be, until the end of Time that is, can time end? What is time? So many questions so little time. I've written the word 'time' so many times now it doesn't even look like a real word anymore. Time and time again. Good times!

Well I feel that the time has come to end this little session of memory extraction and self counselling, how very odd this will be to read back, I hope you enjoyed it. Funny thing is nobody reads this so it doesn't matter. If a tree falls in a forest with nobody around does it still make a noise? If a blog sits there not being read does it still, erm.....make a noise?

I need to start writing more, I need to write poems, I need to have more fun, I need to work harder, I need to work out harder, I need to be happier than I’ve ever been, I need to make people feel special and appreciated, I need to make people smile, I need to make people happy and I need to make myself happy. I need to make myself happier. I am happy, sad things happen but I am happy and I am thankful for the life I live.

But for now the main thing I need to do is stop chatting so much shit, end this blog and go to sleep!

Adios friends.

Welcome to the new year...or something.

I believe this may well be overdue, as per usual. Well i knew this would happen, so technically i allowed the future to run its course, and turn into the present. Yup, here we are. I guess a lot has happened since I last posted. I must have slept close to 70 times since then, i must have eaten like 200 meals - it boggles the mind it really does. But yes i guess it is time for me to pick a coconut from the memory/coconut tree, smash it open and let you all try a little of it's delicious milky water.


So where did i leave off. I'd say Halloween as a guess, yup i'm going to go for that! November and December have literally flown by to be completely honest, like literally i had to check in, take on a bag of handluggage, choose my in-flight meal and enjoy the ride. The university front has been bleak, it always is this time of year. The motivation to get up and go in this bleary/depressing English winter really has tested me to my very core. And admittedly on several occasions i have given up fighting the good fight, and given in to the tempations of my foxy mistress, also know as my bed. My bed isn't even partcuarly amazing, it's mediocre at best, but boy oh boy how hard it is to leave! Anyone with a heavenly bed, i really do applaud you for being able to remove yourself from it - it's people like you who make this country! Talking of the winter, i really do hate it with a passion. I once had a mutual understanding with Jack Frost and his winter cronies but now we don't see eye to eye, he deleted me from Facebook and neither of us care. I am officially a summer lover, oh those beautiful days when everything just seems better. For example let us compare the winter and summer skies. In the winter the sky always seems so unhappy, so grey and miserable, whereas in the summer it seems jolly, so blue and just happy to be there! Even winter animals are more depressing. All i see in the winter is the ocasional depressed looking fox who seems as if it's just been served divorce papers and maybe the odd pigeon who just doesn't seem to be enjoying life. Compare this to the summer where my garden is like a scene from bambi, happy animals skipping back and forth, with badgers just stopping in the street to ask me how my day has been. Times change in the winter!

Ok to stray away from that slightly odd last paragraph, lets meet the matters at hand with an iron fist. Christmas and New Year were rather lovely this year to be honest. Christmas itself was lovely, it made me smile, not unlike this -> :). New Years was a great party, i got involved in the Camden vibes with a bunch of the chaps, and yeah we partied hard. Arriving home at 7.30 in the morning is a sure fire indicator of a good night, although it could also be a sure fire indicator for many other things, for example i could have fallen, hit my head, and woke up at 7.30, but hey! So the 'New Years Resolution', bit of a bullshit concept but what the heck. I guess this year i need to start SLEEPING, well at the right times at least, that would be wonderful. A bit rich coming from me as I'm writing this at 2.50am, what an idiot I am. I think general hard work by my part is a good one, as is giving the gym some love and attention. Pretty standard really. I also have a personal resolution which I will hopefully succeed in, fingers crossed, touch wood, two magpies,avoid walking under a ladder, keeping all mirrors intact ETC! If there's one thing time is good at,is telling, so yeah time will tell!

So what does the future hold for myself. Well in Eight (8) days, i shall be 21 years of age, scary really. That should be fun, birthdays always are kind of nice, they make me a feel a little bit special for that 24 hour window in which we can say, say 'Yes, today, was indeed, in years gone by, the day of, yeah you guessed it MY BIRTH' - or something like that. My 'Mardy Bums' night thingys are going pretty well, we shall see how these turn out too.Things are looking good, i have a bunch of wonderful people in my life and for this i am genuinely thankful. I believe I will let fate dictate my path of existence, if fate doesn't show it's pretty face i shall let flipping a coin decide, either that or one of those 8 Balls that you shake for a mysterious answer!

I feel my mediocre bed is calling me. Actually i feel slightly bad. Yes on the outside my bed doesn't look anything special, but it has been the vehicle for many enjoyable dream based journeys, so yeah my bed is special to me. Not unlike an ugly child who is still loved by its mother. I love my ugly bed.

I have every intention to keep this updated regularly, but in reality see you in 3 months.

From my brain to yours.

(Signed) Bobby Kalafi